The Enemy by Buntu Ngcuka

POEM: The enemy

A poem by Buntu Ngcuka

BY BUNTU NGCUKA

I can’t breathe
I can’t think clearly because you’re suffocating me
You’re always looking over my shoulder
So critical, so crucial, so cruel
You are, I am, we are the same person
I have to face what you’ve made me do
When I look in the mirror I’m reminded of the shitty advice
You said, “Never mind your heart, B
Trust me instead. I’ll never lead you astray
I’m your mind, I’m the rational one in this relationship
I’m your brain, when the world gets hectic I keep you sane.”
But see I’m not sane
I’m everything, anything but
I am, you’re not, we are enemies
A glass of wine or three is my only medication now
I can’t afford anti-depressants, I can’t be anti you
I can’t untie myself from you because you’re forever inside me
You’re always interfering, you’re always manipulating
I can’t tell what’s real and I don’t know how to feel
I don’t know what to feel, it’s all a bit too much
But nothing’s ever too much for you
You’re already wired and set in your ways
I’m the one struggling and always fighting
Fighting you, fighting me, I’m fighting my enemy
You’re supposed to be on my side
You’re supposed to help the fear subside
You’re supposed to make me see that I’m free
But instead, you choose to be my enemy

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